I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
