Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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