I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
