my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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