just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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