Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
