i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
