Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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