Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
