under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
