no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
