the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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