Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
