Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
