nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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