i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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