I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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