Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
