i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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