So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
