The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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