He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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