im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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