One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
