he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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