Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is Oprah even human
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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