Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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