dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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