RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Quick, to the slutcave!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
