I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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