Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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