I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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