do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
