wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
