he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
