I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
