Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What drink are we having for lunch?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
