It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
