I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
