Will you blow on my dice?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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