I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
