Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
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I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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