I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I die, sorry about rent.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
