my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
