Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
