I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
