): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
