Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
