last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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