a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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