I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
