she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
