After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
