Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
