so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
