Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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