Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
