Your dad touched me again.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
