Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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