It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
