My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
