My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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