I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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