I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
