maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
