I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
