I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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